We are Ambassadors.

   I'm writing this with a heavy heart.  My heart isn't heavy because of something that has happened to me or a friend.  It isn't heavy because of an outward circumstance really, its just reality.  My heart is heavy becuase I'm feeling the burden of lost, broken souls.

    This summer, I've been surrounded almost always by people who don't share my faith and belief in Jesus Christ.  Other than my mom and brother and church on Sunday, all of my time is spent with people who haven't seen the glorious light of Jesus Christ.  They haven't experienced His healing, they haven't felt His power or His joy.  They have no hope or eternal security.  They have experienced the pleasure of this world, but not the pleasure of a relationship with the Creator of this world.  It really has me thinking, searching, yearning for more of Him.

  Today when I got off of work, I just had kind of a bad attitude.  I was really missing Liberty and my friends from there, missing being around other believers, missing feeling God's presence in a group setting, missing worship.  I was focusing inward, being selfish.  I was thinking about everything that I missed and longed for rather than the mission field God has placed me in.

   As I started to fall asleep tonight, a rush of sorrow filled my heart.  I started crying.  Reality struck.  Most of the people I interact with on a daily basis are on their way to Hell.  If I really believe in the Bible, which I do, the only way one can come into the Kingdom of God is through Jesus Christ and Him alone.

   I wholeheartedly believe that the "real world" is one of the hardest mission fields.  Working in a secular workplace, having unsaved extended family, interacting with unsaved neighbors, it it a mission field.  This mission field isn't usually advertised at churches, it isn't usually one that recieves special attention, or a title.  We are the day in day out ambassadors of Jesus Christ in places where His beautiful Name is used more frequently as a curse than the Name above all Names. All who are believers in Jesus Christ are called to be bold witnesses and not only represent our King by our actions, but by our words and spirit.  We are called to be a light in dark places, to shamelessly defend our King and proclaim His truth to those who may have never heard.

   What do we have?  What makes us different?  What makes us more than a smiling face or kind word.  What makes us different than them?  Is there something that we have that they don't?  Are we more than morals and rules? How can they tell if we are different?  How can they see the light of Jesus Christ rather than just another happy face?

  I'm asking myself these questions.  Can my coworkers, friends, family and neighbors see anything different in me?  Do they see more than a bubbly personality and friendly smile?  Do they see the power of a supernatural force evidenced in the way I live?  ...I don't know...I sure hope so.

Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

  I want this.  I want to be light in dark places.  I want to be perfect and love like my Father, to love my enemy and pray for those who tease, gossip about and mistreat me because of my faith.I want to be a Holy Spirit filled, walking powerhouse.  I want my actions, words, and entire being to be consumed with a passion to share my Savior, my King with a dying world.  I want to live every day with the knowledge that it could be my last.  How did I spend today, did I make an eternal impact through complete surrender to my Savior and His Holy Spirit?

   I don't want a lukewarm faith. I want a passionate, on fire, blazing,world changing faith.  Whether I'm overseas, or here in DuBois, I want to be faithful to represent my King.  I feel called to full-time ministry in the future, but I want to be faithful now, even as a grocery store missionary.  I want to surrender my pride and worrying about what others think of me to be a bold witness for my King, laying every hinderance aside.

Romans 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

  I'm writing this to challenge and encourage my fellow believers to be bold ambassadors for our King.  Represent Him shamelessly.  Be in His Word, seeking His face, His power, His Holy Spirit every morning.  We can do nothing, and I mean nothing, in our own power.  Our true rest, power, and strength comes from His presence alone. We can not be ambassadors for a King we don't really know or spend time with.  Being an ambassador for Jesus Christ is way more than posting a Bible verse on facebook, its allowing Him to use our bodies, mouths, actions, everything and everywhere we go to represent Him.

  I'm also writing this to ask for prayer.  I've been growing kind of discouraged and really lacking
close Christian friends at home. I'm in need of a support system of believing, like-minded friends
here.  I have so many close Christ seeking friends at school, but when I come home, sometimes I sort of feel alone.  My heart longs for a few friends here to really "run the race" with.

  Thank you to everyone who reads my blog, it really means so much.  Also, feel free to offer any feedback :)

Whatever it takes 2.

  So, in the begining of the summer, in one of my blogs titled "Whatever it Takes", I talked about a specific prayer that I prayed to start the summer off with.  That prayer was "Whatever is takes, make me like Jesus."  Little did I know what the ramifications of that seemingly small, seven-word prayer would be.

  Telling God, telling Jesus, to shape you and mold you into the vessel that He wants to be is always a dangerous prayer.  This prayer give God permission to do whatever He wants and molding and shaping an individual isn't a pretty process.  Before gold is refined, it just isn't that pretty and it needs to go through fire/the furnace to be purified and draw all of the impurities to the surface.  The finished product is a beautiful thing, but the process of getting there is a narrow, hard path.

  I've mentioned in previous blog posts that this summer has not been easy.  It hasn't been.  God has tested my faith, my patience, and my trust in Him and His plan.  I feel like in my heart, with each thing that has happened, I can hear God saying, "Will you still follow me, Sarah?  Will you still do whatever it takes to be like Jesus?  Are you truly willing to be my disciple and trust me?"  And, although sometimes begrudgingly, I have said "Yes, Jesus, I'm not turning back."

  This summer has been beautiful.  I have seen God work in my life and the lives of others and use my life to impact those around me.  I have witnessed Him continually draw out impurities in my life and sow seeds of faith and trust in Him, which is something that has been really hard for me in the past.  I have seen my Hero rise to the occasion and rescue me.  He has never dissapointed me or abandoned me.  Even when on the surface, it has seemed like my world was falling apart, He was really holding it together.  He sees the unseen and His plans and ways are ALWAYS higher.

Isaiah 55:9 says "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

1 Corinthians 1:25 "For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."

  We can always trust in Him and His plan, always.  He is our Savior, Father, Redeemer and Friend. 

1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Psalms 27:33-34  The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

   I really have the ladies from the leadership team on 5-1 on my heart as I am writing this.  Guys, this is hard, it is so unexpected, shocking, and painful, but we don't always have to know why, we just need to say, "Yes, Jesus, I trust in You."  There are so many things in life that we don't "get".  Sometimes I think about Heaven, and I think it would be so cool if when we get there we play a video and see all that God was doing behind the scenes of the things we will never understand on earth.  I know His plans are best and He wouldn't have let this happen if it wasn't His will.  It is still so hard, but we just have to trust in His perfect love for us.

  This is a simple song that I learned as a little girl.  It has been on my heart, so I will close with the first verse of it.

I have decided to follow Jesus.
I have decided to follow Jesus.
I have decided to follow Jesus,
no turning back, no turning back.

Thank You Abba.

  Fathers day. Eh.

    This morning, wasn't too fun.  I went to church as usual.  The church that I attend is beautiful.  Seeing the generations of love, faith, and commitment to Jesus Christ, well, it is just a beautiful thing.  The admiration and respect I have for the leadership and members of First Baptist is immense.  There are so many families that you can witness generation after generation of service to Jesus Christ, actually I think that about 95% of our church is related haha. It is actually what attracted me to attend First Baptist and I have never regretted going there, I truly love it.  That is what I want for my future. I want to be the change. I want the family I have to be one that serves Jesus Christ wholeheartedly.  I want my children and grandchildren to be faithful to serving and loving Jesus.

     That being said, being a young single person attending church alone isn't always easy.  All of my life, I went to church with my mom at a different church.  It is a church with wonderful people, but there were some things I didn't agree with doctrinally, and I felt called to attend First Baptist. My senior year I started attending there.

   All of that is a preface to this morning.  It was a normal Sunday morning.  I walked in the sanctuary, fashionably late of course, and found a seat.  Like I said, my church is HUGE on family stuff, which I think is really awesome.  This morning was fathers day.  This summer has been really hard.  I'm not going into detail, but, my dad isn't really part of my life and hasn't been for a long time.  Seeing all of the dads stand up, all the dads get their little books for father's day, seeing kids hug their dads, seeing facebook posts about people's wonderful dads.  Well, its hard and I've been jealous.  There, I said it, I've been jealous, really jealous.

  I feel like all huge things in my life, I can relate to an epic run.  Weird, I know, but running is a way for me to get everything out.  Its just me, God, and my running shoes hitting the pavement.  Tonight was one of those epic runs.  God really convicted me of my selfishness.  He convicted me of focusing on things that have been taken away rather than all of the blessings that He has lavished on me.  I've been focusing on losing my hall/leadership family for next year, the hard things I'm facing rather than all of the incredible ways He has blessed me. I am His daughter, He is my Daddy, Abba.  Tonight as I was debriefing on what I felt God spoke to me during that run I came accross this passage of scripture that I found so comforting and uplifting.

Galatians 4:4-7 "But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir."

  He chose to adopt me.  He chose to be my Dad.  He chose to take on the challenge of raising sinful, awful, rebelious me.  He knows everything I've done, He knows every thought that has passed through my mind.  He sees all and knows all and He chose to be my Abba.  He sent His only, perfect Son to die a horrible death and carry the weight of sin so He could adopt me. He chose to be my Daddy.  He chose to make me an heir.  He didn't just save me from my chains of sins and an eternity of suffering in Hell, He chose to give me an inheritance, to treat me as His very own. 

  I have so much to be thankful for SO MUCH.  I really can't get over it. I'm tearing up out of joy right now.  I could write a hundred page blog about all of the things I am thankful for, but I don't think many people would read it haha :)  For this blog I just wanted to end it with a specific thankyou to two of my favorite people and the best family I could ask for.

    Benjamin Allen Doughty, you are the MAN!  I love you so much, as my roomate, Rachel would say, bastante.  You have overcome the odds, you have fought through hard battles, you have chosen to follow Jesus.  Words can't describe how proud I am of you.  How proud I am to call Ben Doughty my brother.  You are amazing, you exemplify the characteristics of Jesus Christ in the way that you treat me.  You are probably the hardest working man that I know, yet you also genuinely care about people.  You can rip and tear in yardwork, but you still are an awesome cook :)  Thank you for being my big brother.  I love you so much.  Whoever gets to marry you is going to be an incredibly blessed woman, but she will have to get through me first ;)

  I'm saving the best for last.  My mom.  I don't think I could ever tell her enough how much she means to me or how proud I am of her.  She is an amazing woman.  Her prayers have gotten me through so many hard times.  I don't tell her nearly enough how much I love her or how thankful I am for her.  She derserves the biggest "Happy Fathers Day" because she's done both. She's worked hard to help my brother and I go to school and provide for us.  She is one of the most beautiful people I know. She's put up with my shenanigans and seen me through the best and worst times.  She's my mom, but also one of my dearest friends.  She follows Jesus, even when life is really hard.  I admire and love my mom so much.

  I am so blessed for God to have placed me in this family.  Everything He does is in His plan.  He is amazing, perfect, loving.  Glory be to His name.  I love you Abba and thank you.

Is He Enough?

*Breathe in, breathe out* 

  It seems like the past few months God has been testing me hardcore.  He knows better than anyone my weaknesses and He has been pinpointing them.  Not gonna lie, at times it reminds me of having a brother.  You know, they magically know just what button to press to get a reaction out of you.  I feel like God has been pressing my buttons.  He sees everything.  He sees where I've fallen, where I'm vulnerable, where I'm broken.  He know my weaknesses, even when they are seemingly unnoticable by others. 

  I feel like this summer He has drawn out everything within me.  He has pressed me, stretched me, pounded me until there was nothing left, really nothing left.  He has taken away every layer of security.  He has allowed me to really become nothing.  So many things I've had or thought that I could count on have been taken away. 

 That being said, sometimes as I've gone through some really trying, difficult times this summer, I've been able to breathe in and tell myself it will all be okay when I go back to school.  Being at Liberty is like a different world for me.  Words can't express how incredibly thankful I am for them, I really believe they are the best school and I love LU.  Everything was working out perfectly for this semester.  Despite changing my major over the summer, I was still able to get a great schedule, I have the most wonderful friends there, rooming with one of my best friends and most exciting, I was going to be part of leadership on what I believe to be one of the best halls on campus.  It was something stable.  Something I could count on. Something really amazing.

  Last night all of us on dorm 5 got an awful e-mail.  Prettymuch one from Liberty telling us they were making our dorm into a male dorm, so find new housing.  Our whole leadership team is getting broken up and put on a waiting list for positions.  By looking at all of the full housing its really unlikely I'll get to room with my best friend. It was something completely unexpected and shocking.  Honestly, I'm still pretty upset at Liberty.

  I don't get why God is taking this away from us.  Our leadership team had prettymuch clicked instantly.  We shared a passion and love for Jesus Christ that bonded us together.  We were hanging out as PLs before the whole team even met and when we got together as a team, it was a beautiful thing.  I feel like through the summer we have gotten even closer through prayer & keeping in touch. I felt like we were like PB&J, we just belonged together.

   I don't understand why, but I don't need to.  I need to trust, trust in God's plan.  He can see the whole picture and even when it just looks like a sad mess to me, He can see something beautiful.  Our theme verse for 5-1 is Esther 4:14 "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”   I believe that we are still called for such a time as this.  God had a reason for splitting us up and a purpose for the ministry each of us will be involved in.  This summer, I've learned that I don't have to understand the "why?", I just need to learn to trust.  I need to learn to trust my amazing Creator, Father and Savior.  I need to trust that His plan is perfect and He sees the bigger picture, even though I don't.  I don't need to understand, I don't need to get it, because He does and He loves me more than I can fathom.  He sees the unseen and knows what He is doing all the time.

   I feel like this summer, God has done so much shaping and molding in my life.  He has taken things away, broken me, and surfaced my weaknesses and insecurities.  I'm so thankful for that. My life verse is

 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

  I have definitely been given opportunity to have that verse be lived out this summer.  I've been weak, broken, left with nothing, but Christ's grace has been enough for me.  He has given me a joy that has really been unexplainable and a peace that can only be explained by His Holy Spirit.  Through me being stripped down to nothing, I've been able to see God at work.  I've been able to firsthand experience the power in Christ that comes through weakness, insults, hardships, persecution.  I have been drawn closer to Christ than I knew was possible by becoming nothing.

   Random sidetrack, but I really love my mom.  She doesn't always have the most comforting things to say, but she says what I need to hear.  Today I was in the car with her and as I was pouring out my frustrations, she said, "Sarah, want to hear something I heard on the radio?  They were talking about Navy Seals.  Did you know they physically drown them and then reccusitate them as part of their training?"  She then went on to encourage me about the plans God has for me.  She was told me that God aloud me to grow up in a really broken home, go through hell, because He was training me for an ellite force for Him.  He is training me to survive, press on, and cling to Him no matter what I am going through.

  Life really is a beautiful thing.  Even through difficult seasons, it is beautiful.  I'm learning that my Jesus is ALWAYS, ALWAYS enough.  He has the perfect plan and even when things are taken away from us, or we face challenges, He remains and He is still enough.  Praise be to Him alone.

Wax on, wax off

  The past few days, I have been pretty giddy.  Jesus is just teaching me so much and proving Himself  to me in so many ways.  There are so many things I want to write about that He's been teaching me, but I guess I'll try to stick with one for today ;)  This is going to be a pretty short blog, nothing too enlightening, but its just something that I thought was a really cool lesson!

     For some reason, I wasn't able to sleep much last night.  Just one of those nights where I couldn't fall asleep.  I started thinking about life.  This summer has been pretty crazy.  I have questioned circumstances, why God's having me do the things I've been doing and why He has placed me where He has.

     Last night something really cool clicked.  I am a visual learner and I love when something practical  clicks in a different way.  I started thinking about the Karate Kid, odd I know.  But, I was remembering the "wax on, wax off" theme.  "Wax on, wax off.  Breathe in the nose, out the mouth." What the instructor was telling him to do did not make sense.  He was doing the same repetitive task that seemingly had nothing to do with Karate.  The kid got a little ticked, as would I if I were trying to learn Karate, but the instructor really did know what he was doing.  Every practical thing, like waxing a car, was helping develop the characteristics that he needed to become great in Karate.

     I feel like God has me in a "wax on, wax off" stage in my life.  I want to travel the world, I want to get married someday, I want to be a missionary, I want to be a teacher, I feel called to be in ministry. That being said, I am nowhere near ready.  There are so many areas that God still needs to work on in my life.  Even when I look back on things that I haven't understood this summer, I can see where He has used the unexpected things to build faith, trust, hope and perserverance.  He has used the "wax on, wax off" things in my life to build character and mold me into the woman He created me to be.  He never lets us go through any season in life, even hard ones, without using them to shape and mold us into who He wants us to be.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

 I serve an AMAZING God.  Everything He has me do or go through, even things that I don't get, is for a purpose.  They are for my good.  I encourage whoever happens to read this to wholeheartedly embrace the "wax on, wax off" seasons you go through.  They can end up being something really beautiful.

Joy

Joy...its a word that describes everything that I am feeling right now.  Joy :)

     In my last blog post, "We Press On", I was talking about the last week of my life, still one of the hardest I've faced, but right now I am so joyful, so thankful, so blessed.  I don't know if I've ever felt this alive or filled with love.  This week I hit rock bottom.  I didn't feel like I had anything left. 

     I never had really felt the fullness of the power of prayer or the presence of God like I have in the past few days.  Its crazy, I wasn't at a special event, or at church, or with fellow believers.  I was just broken and weak, alone with Jesus and I felt Him like I had never felt Him before.  Last night I just wanted to go outside and scream that Jesus really is enough.  I just want everybody to have what only He can give, real hope, life, love.

     2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

     These verses have always been some of my favorites, but I never really understood them completely until now.  I've never felt the power of God in my life like this because I've never been as weak or broken as I have been that past week.  I will DELIGHT in my weakness, the trials and pain that have faced me.  I will delight, because through facing things that I truly can not face on my own, I am given the opportunity to showcase Christ's strength and power.  I am given the opportunity to know Him in ways I've never known Him before.

     I really feel like I can't convey what I am feeling and experiencing though a blog.  I don't think I can explain it through words at all.  All I know is that I'm incredibly BLESSED to go through trials.  I am blessed when I feel weak and broken.  I am blessed because my Savior is strong, His grace is sufficient for me. 

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

We Press On.

    I'm just going to be really honest, this summer has been the hardest summer of my life. The past few days have been some of the hardest in my life.  I forgot what it was like to really feel.  I've felt so alone, broken and angry at God.  I've asked Him countless times why?  Why couldn't I switch my life out for a different one?

    For those of you who know me, you know that I'm a pretty joyful person.  I really love life and living and Jesus.  This summer, I've trained myself to wake up early in the morning.  I love being alive and seeing the sun rise, hearing the birds, and being one of the first people to see the day.  Usually at about 6:15 I wake up.  The first thing I do is spend time with Jesus talking and reading His Word.  After that I slip into my running clothes and hit the walk-way (a walking/running trail in DuBois.)  I put my headphones in and start chasing my shadow.  I know its weird, but yes, I do chase my shadow when I run.  She is good competiton and always about a step ahead of me haha.

     The past few days have been a sharp contrast to my usual self.  I haven't really been able to sleep at all so I haven't really gotten up early, I've just been up.  I've sat up in bed picked up my Bible then dropped it back down.  I've just been really mad at God.  The song "Your Hands" by JJ Heller has been on my heart a lot the lyrics "I have unanswered prayers, I have trouble I wish wasn't there, and I have asked a thousand ways, that You would take my pain away".  I just haven't gotten why.  Why are my prayers unanswered?  Does God even care anymore, why can't I feel Him?  Why do I feel worthless?  Jesus, I've always tried to serve and love you with everything, where are You now?

     Tonight I knew I just needed to run.  It wasn't my favorite time or temperature to run.  I like to run early so its about 55-65 degrees and the sun is out so I can chase my shadow.  Tonight it was 83 degrees and it was 8pm so the sun was down already.  I looked for my MP3 then realized I'd left it in my mom's car. So there I was on the walkway, no distraction of music or a shadow to chase.  Just me and God.  About mid-run I just couldn't take it anymore.  I just broke down and cried. I've never felt so helpless.  All I wanted was to be held and He did just that.  He held me. 

    I still don't get it.  But I know that He does.  I know I don't have the strength to walk, but He is carrying me.  He loves me with an everlasting love.  My Father is God most high.  He has never failed me or abandoned me.  He has carried me, comforted me, and watched out for me.  He's seen every tear that I have cried and cried with me.  He hates to see me cry.  My Daddy loves me.  He loves me with a love bigger, stronger, and more mighty than humans can comprehend.  He has protected me and held me together.  He has never let anything happen to me that wasn't in His plan.  Jesus, I don't get it but I will love You, I will trust in You. 

     At my highschool graduation, a few of us sang the song "We Press On".  There is no going back, there is only forward.  I know God has a beautiful plan for my life.  I can't wait to see where He will take me and how He will use my life.  I'm in love and there is no turning back, no matter what.

"When the choices are hard
When we're battered and scarred
When we've spent our resources
When we've given our all

In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on"

To the Ladies

    So, something that you know if you've known me for a while is that I like watching people.  I like observing the people around me and figuring them out.  I like to observe trends, actions, and cultural differences.  I also like observing common attitudes and mindsets.  Something that I've been observing quite a bit lately is how we as women percieve ourselves, what the culture we live in is telling us, and what some Christians tell us.  To be honest, a lot of the time I think all three have it wrong.

     I will not disagree with you if you say the pressure we face from the culture we live in is huge.  From modern society, we are expected to try every new diet, brand of makeup, and embrace the common sensual, provocative attitude we see displayed everywhere.  We are told our value is based on our appeal and allure. These lies destroy everything beautiful about femininity.

Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,I know that full well.

Proverbs 30:31 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

     I think that every woman has fought the lies of insecurity.  I know that it has been a battle for me.  I've been guilty of falling for the deceptions of modern, fake beauty.  I've been guilty of seeking people's approval for security.  I've been guilty of trying fad diets and buying special makeup or clothes all in the name of beauty. Thinking about all the ways I and countless other women have bought into lies breaks my heart.

 1 Samuel 16:7  But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

     Who I am in not what I look like, my Father isn't impressed by the same qualities the world is.  He is more concerned about the condition of our hearts.

 This being said, I don't always agree with how Christians seem to approach the area of "self worth" either.  I've read a few books and many of them focused on finding SELF esteem, SELF worth, SELF image, SELF fulfillment.  Something I have learned is that life is not at all about me or "self".  Trying to find self worth or self value by accepting who you are is not going to bring you true fulfillment or satisfaction.  As daughters of the King, we are called to take the same path as Jesus Christ.

Philippians 2:5-8 "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself NOTHING by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross!"

Mark 10:43-45 "Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  

     True beauty radiates from a woman who is in an intimate love relationship with Jesus Christ.  True beauty is exemplified in a woman who has has learned the secret that fulfillment is found when she is serving, giving, and loving like Jesus.  She is too caught up in serving her Master and others to be concerned with herself, her woth, her image and fulfillment.  As a matter of fact, she has lost complete sight of herself by being completely captured by her awesome Creator, Lover and Hero.   Rather than worrying about her appearance and who does or doesn't like her, she is focused outward rather than inward.

     "When Christ overtakes a woman’s life and transforms her from the inside out – she becomes truly feminine – a picture of elegance, grace, and loveliness blended with sacrificial selfless devotion to her King. She becomes a true lady, carrying herself with poise and confidence, yet deflecting all attention away from herself and toward Jesus Christ. She is enchantingly mysterious, holding her inner life sacred and guarding her heart with quiet tenacity.  Noble, breathtaking, captivating, Christ-centered femininity is truly a sight to behold. It’s a beauty that does not draw attention to the woman, but to Jesus Christ. It’s a radiance that is not dependent upon age, circumstance, or physical enhancements. It’s a loveliness that flows from deep within – the refreshing beauty of Heaven, of a life transformed from the inside out by Jesus Christ. " -Leslie Ludy

    I want to become that type of woman,  I want to continue to fall in love with my precious Savior and lose complete sight of myself. 

How beautiful are the arms, which have embraced Christ – the eyes which have gazed upon Christ, the lips which have spoken with Christ, the feet which have followed Christ. How beautiful are the hands which have worked the works of Christ, the feet which are treading in His footsteps have gone about doing good, the lips which have spread abroad His Name, the lives which have been counted for Him. -Christina Rosetti

     

     

Its okay to fall...

    Do you remember the trust game?  You know, the one where one person would fall backwards and trust the other to catch them.  It used to be a popular game when I was younger.  I was never a big fan of the game, but I didn't mind too much because the worst that could happen was a bump on the head if the other person failed.

    Now actually "falling" in real life is a different story.  Trusting people has never come easily to me, and trusting God is somthing I struggle with as well.  Something that God is teaching me is that He is completely in controll, completely trustworthy and His plan is absolutely perfect.  He knows exactly what He is doing, He is my providor, He has a perfect plan for my life.

   This summer didn't exactly get off to an easy start.  There were different trials that came my way and more than once I wondered "Why God?!  Why am I here, why is this happening, what are you doing?" Its so easy for me to forget.  To forget that He is almighty, all knowing, and most importantly all loving.  He wants the best for me.  His plan far exceeds any plan crafted by humans.

Isaiah 55:9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

1 Corinthians 1:25 "For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."

     He loves us so much.  His love is greater than anything we could imagine, He knows every hair on our heads.  He loved us so much that He sent His only Son to take our punishment so that we could be with Him.  He came to die for sinful, disgusting, undeserving me. That is amazing.  He sent His only, perfect son, the Son of God, to take the lowest place on earth becoming a servant and dying a cruel death on a cross, all for love.

Mark 10:45 "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” 

     God has proven Himself to me in so many ways this summer.  He has proven His love for me and He has proven that I really can trust Him completely.  I was planning on working as soon as I got home for college, but that didn't work out.  No jobs opened up and I was wondering why I was here and why nothing would show up, I mean doesn't He know that I need money to go back to school?  As time went on I was able to participate ministry opportunities that I never would have been able to participate in if I was working.  I've been able to visit family, help deal with a crisis and help fix up my mom's house. Now He has provided me with a much needed job, in His perfect timing.  He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. He knew what He was doing and He is my providor, not me.

Philippians 4:19  And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Falling is scary.  But I'm learning that when I fall into the arms of Jesus, He will always catch me.  I can trust Him.  I can trust His plans for me, even when they include a huge change in my major :P