Whatever it takes.

     I guess this blog post sort of ties into my last one "What If?"  This summer, I prayed the dangerous prayer of "Whatever it takes, make me like Jesus."  I'm going to try, through blogging, to tell about how that prayer is affecting my life, how He changes me, and what lessons He teaches me.

    So, the past week, God has showed me He was jealous for all of me, my total attention and affection.  He wants to be my first thought in the morning and last thought at night.  He wants to be my heart's desire and passion. 

"God is not proud…He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him"

 ~ CS Lewis

     This quote has really broken my heart.  Think about it.  I know for me, there are countless times that by my actions I have prefered so many things over my precious Savior. To think that me, an undeserving sinner who was saved by a beautiful, perfect, amazing, loving, kind, patient Savior would show Him that I prefered so many things to Him, its awful.  Its heart breaking.  I never thought of it like that before.  When I choose other things over Him, I am giving up everything. Most of the time its not "bad" things. Its just the fact that even when He has called me to come spend time with Him, I show by my actions that I prefer something else.  I could spend mindless hours wasting my life away instead of spending time with Him even when I know He's been waiting all day for me to come sit at His feet. Other times I get so busy trying to please Him that I forget to just sit at His feet, to listen to Him and spend time with Him.

     He is so incredibly patient and gracious.  He is a gentleman.  He doesn't barge in and enforce, He knocks and waits.  That makes me fall in love with Him so much more.  This past year, I've truly fallen in love with Jesus.  Before, I loved Him, but I wasn't in love with Him.  Each time He reveals something new to me, it takes my breath away.  When I realize just how awful I really am and just how incredible He really is I am amazed.  The more I look at myself, my life, my characteristics, I realize that there is nothing good in me. I am completely undeserving.  Despite me, He has come into my messy life and began a new work in me.

  1 Philipians 4:6

 "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

     Tonight, I sat at His feet. He had been waiting.  I was so incredibly blessed as I sat at His feet.  He took my burdens, worries, and cares.  He spoke of His love for me.  He challenged me.  He told me that He was my provider and He would take care of me.  He listened to me pour out my heart to Him.  He held me and let me know that He has a plan for me, an incredible plan for my life.  He strengthened me and renewed my spirit and revived my passion.  My time with Him was incredible.

    I want to learn to be like Mary, Martha's sister.  I want to sit at His feet and relish in His presence.  I don't want the distractions and worries of this world to get in between us.  I don't want to prefer anything over Him.  I want to love Him with my life.

     I'm just trying to figure all of this out.  This summer, I want to seek Him for myself.  I want to seek His face.  I'm not sure how much of this makes sense, but I want to challenge you, along with myself, to seek Him and love Him with everything.   I know we're going to be amazed by Him.

I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it. -Elisabeth Elliot