Convicted, inspired.

     So, lately my favorite teacher has been Leslie Ludy.  I have found her passion for being totally dedicated to Jesus Christ truly inspiring.  I want to exemplify the same passion for total surrender and passion for Jesus Christ that she has.  Through her teaching, I am learning so much daily.

     Do you ever get one of those surges of emotion that is just like a crazy rollercoaster running around your heart?  I'm having one of those today,  I've just learned so much and I want so badly to live it out.  Through the power of Jesus Christ living in me, I plan to.

     One lesson that has really hit home is the fact that I am not my own.  "My life" is not mine at all.  It belongs to Jesus Christ.  This may sound like a simple, elementary truth in Christianity, but I'm learning that it means a whole lot more than my life has exemplified.  I've been so convicted of my selfishness in the way I live my life.  One selfish habbit that I have really been convicted of is the way I spend my time.  My life is not my own, therefore, my time is not my own. 

“What is the secret to great living? Entire separation to Christ and devotion to Him. Thus speaks every man and woman whose life has made more than a passing flicker in the spiritual realm. It is the life that has no time for trifling that counts.”

~Amy Carmichael 

     I don't want my life to be a passing flicker.  I want my life to be something powerful, impactful, beautiful, inspirational.  I have no power do this.  The only way that can happen is through "entire separation to Christ and devotion to Him."  This means separation and devotion to Him in every area of my life, physically, spiritually, emotionally.  This means dying to my selfishness and humanity daily.  It means waking up and dying to myself to be truly ALIVE in Christ.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

     I want to wake up every morning and say "Goodmorning, Lord!  What is you're plan for the day?"  So many times I get preocccupied with my life and what I have to do or I get so distracted that I forget, my life really is all about Him.  In highschool, our basketball team's motto was "All for Him."  But I wonder, how often do we as Followers of Jesus Christ really do that?  Every day, every minute, every second, all for Him.  Every decision, every relationship, every word, all for Him.  Every thought, every action, every desire, all for Him.  I long for this.  I know that I am SO far from it, but I believe that our God can do the impossible.

Matthew 19:26b “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

     Personally, I am a huge fan of hymns.  I think that the they are powerful, inspired and infused with Biblical truth and doctrine.  This one has been my jam today and my prayer as well.

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Whatever it takes.

     I guess this blog post sort of ties into my last one "What If?"  This summer, I prayed the dangerous prayer of "Whatever it takes, make me like Jesus."  I'm going to try, through blogging, to tell about how that prayer is affecting my life, how He changes me, and what lessons He teaches me.

    So, the past week, God has showed me He was jealous for all of me, my total attention and affection.  He wants to be my first thought in the morning and last thought at night.  He wants to be my heart's desire and passion. 

"God is not proud…He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him"

 ~ CS Lewis

     This quote has really broken my heart.  Think about it.  I know for me, there are countless times that by my actions I have prefered so many things over my precious Savior. To think that me, an undeserving sinner who was saved by a beautiful, perfect, amazing, loving, kind, patient Savior would show Him that I prefered so many things to Him, its awful.  Its heart breaking.  I never thought of it like that before.  When I choose other things over Him, I am giving up everything. Most of the time its not "bad" things. Its just the fact that even when He has called me to come spend time with Him, I show by my actions that I prefer something else.  I could spend mindless hours wasting my life away instead of spending time with Him even when I know He's been waiting all day for me to come sit at His feet. Other times I get so busy trying to please Him that I forget to just sit at His feet, to listen to Him and spend time with Him.

     He is so incredibly patient and gracious.  He is a gentleman.  He doesn't barge in and enforce, He knocks and waits.  That makes me fall in love with Him so much more.  This past year, I've truly fallen in love with Jesus.  Before, I loved Him, but I wasn't in love with Him.  Each time He reveals something new to me, it takes my breath away.  When I realize just how awful I really am and just how incredible He really is I am amazed.  The more I look at myself, my life, my characteristics, I realize that there is nothing good in me. I am completely undeserving.  Despite me, He has come into my messy life and began a new work in me.

  1 Philipians 4:6

 "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

     Tonight, I sat at His feet. He had been waiting.  I was so incredibly blessed as I sat at His feet.  He took my burdens, worries, and cares.  He spoke of His love for me.  He challenged me.  He told me that He was my provider and He would take care of me.  He listened to me pour out my heart to Him.  He held me and let me know that He has a plan for me, an incredible plan for my life.  He strengthened me and renewed my spirit and revived my passion.  My time with Him was incredible.

    I want to learn to be like Mary, Martha's sister.  I want to sit at His feet and relish in His presence.  I don't want the distractions and worries of this world to get in between us.  I don't want to prefer anything over Him.  I want to love Him with my life.

     I'm just trying to figure all of this out.  This summer, I want to seek Him for myself.  I want to seek His face.  I'm not sure how much of this makes sense, but I want to challenge you, along with myself, to seek Him and love Him with everything.   I know we're going to be amazed by Him.

I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it. -Elisabeth Elliot

What if...?

   Last night was one of those nights.  You know, those nights where you can't sleep a wink no matter how many times you turn over and try to.  Usually, for me this either means I had too much caffeine, or God is trying to talk to me.  Considering I hadn't had caffeine in a while, I figured God had something He wanted to tell me.  He sure did.

    The last few days, I've been thinking a lot.  Since I haven't been able to start working immediately, it has given me time to really think and pray about life.  Where is my life going?  Where is it supposed to go?  What kind of an impact am I making?  I've always wanted to live a life that makes a difference.  I believe that we are placed on this planet for an extremely short time to do something, to make an impact in some way. To change the world by the power of His name, one life at a time.  This is a  quote that has been on my mind lately.

"The world has yet to see what God can do with and for and through and in and by the man who is fully and wholly consecrated to Him. I will try my utmost to be that man." -D.L. Moody

    That is a crazy awesome thought.  What would that look like?  What would it look like to be completely consectated, devoted, and surrendered to God?  I want that.  I want to see what my life would look like completely free of my selfishness.  I want to see what God can do through one life completely surrendered to Him. What would it look like to throw down my cautious human nature, to disreguard the possible consequences of following Christ with everything? What would it look like to give up my dreams, desires, and leave everything behind to follow my Master? This might sound scary and intimidating, but it is the most incredible thing. It really isn't a sacrifice at all. When we give our lives to Him, He NEVER fails us.

 "Tell God you are ready to be offered, and God will prove Himself to be all that you ever dreamed He would be."  -Oswald Chambers

   1 Corinthians 1:25 (NIV) For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

   Trusting is not a strong point for me.  But who better to trust my life with than the One whose foolishness surpasses the greatest of human wisdom?  Who better to give my life than the One who loves me more than anyone ever could and wants the best for me? 

   I want this.  I want to quit wondering, "What if I really did trust God with absolutely everything? What if I really lived a life wholly consecrated and devoted to God, holding nothing back?"  I want to be a fearless follower of Christ.

II Timothy 1:7 (KJV) "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

  I'm really excited to see what God is going to do with my life.  I challenge whoever might be reading this to not wonder "what if?" any more.  I challenge you to be that man or woman who lives a life wholly consecrated to God, I promise, He will not dissapoint you.

Jeremiah 29:12-13 (The Message Paraphrase) "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." 

Dancing in the Rain.

“Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain -Timber”

   Funny thing is, as I'm writing this, I'm watching ashen storm clouds roll in outside my window.  The past few weeks a few storms that have swept into my life and at times overwhelmed me.  They have me pondering challenges, trials and hardships that are faced in life.

  Everybody faces storms.  Every person is faced with pain they didn't ask for.  We all are faced with adversity.  For some it means losing a loved one.  For some it means not having the money to come back to college next semester.  For some it means losing a job.  For some it means losing a friendship. For some it means being disappointed, broken, shaken, lost, mistreated.

     No one is exempt from life's storms.  Sometimes they are scary.  Sometimes we wonder if there is another side, if we'll ever see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Sometimes we just wonder, "WHY?!" 

 II Corinthians 4:7-9

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

   These verses are amazing hope.  The promises that we have are awesome.  God's got us.  He will not let us be crushed.  He will never abandon us.  He will never let us be destroyed.  He is our constant source of hope and joy, even in the midst of storms.

Psalm 30:5

For his anger lasts only a moment,

but his favor lasts a lifetime;

weeping may stay for the night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning.

    There can be so much beauty found during storms. If we never experienced pain, we would never know God as our Comforter and Encourager. If we never experienced brokenness, we would never know God as our Restorer. If we never experienced sickness, we would never experience the power of our Healer. If we were never hurt, we wouldn't have the blessing of being reassured, held, and loved on by our Father. If we never felt rejection, we would never find that complete acceptance and reassurance that can only be found by our Creator, the One who holds the world in the palm of His hand, yet knows the number of hairs on our head. If we never experienced loss, we would never know that God really is enough for us. Life is not easy. But, when we are focused on our real, purpose, glorifying our beautiful Maker, Creator, Savior with our lives, we can be blessed, incredibly blessed by knowing and experiencing God more intimately than we ever could without the pain and trials life brings.

     Through this past week God has brought me so much joy through trials.  He has shown me the power of prayer.  He has shown me His power, a power that can change even a heart of stone.  He has demonstrated His unconditional love and faithfulness.  He has also shown me how He has changed my heart.  He has also blessed me through amazing friends who have been there for me through it.

   I serve an amazing God.  Even through storms, tests, trials, hardships He is faithful.  Now that is something worth rejoicing, praising, and, yes, DANCING for <3

God's Tapestry.

  I really love this poem.  Its so amazing  to think that even when we don't understand what is happening in life whenever our lives seem to have a "dark thread" running through them, God still has a beautiful plan.  I serve a God who is all knowing, all powerful, and all loving.  He is perfect.  He makes no mistakes.  He allows everything to happen for a reason, praise His beautiful Name.

"Trials and tribulation in this life, is mentioned to us by Jesus Christ, Bringing to us pain in many ways, as we live out these earthly days. Reasons for many we don’t know; purpose in Glory God will show, How our trials were used by God, upon the temporal paths we trod. For all of our lives is a tapestry, weaved in Glory where all will see, But from this darkened underside, from all of our eyes it does hide. We just see the darker threads, weaving throughout our life instead. And through all the pain and sorrow, we look to a brighter tomorrow. Through the sometimes dark fray, God’s Mercies are new each day, And we have assurance in The Lord; by who our trial is not ignored. For Christ suffered, like you and I, but to the point where He did die. Christ died for us, there’s no denial, and God can help us in our trial. Though Christ died for you and me, He reigns in Heaven for Eternity. This world’s not at all like the one, being prepared for us by The Son. When Christ’s Glory is revealed, all believers will be perfectly healed, Totally free of our besetting sin, with a perfect heart when we enter in. Every eye, now above will see, The Lord’s Glorious Eternal Tapestry, Looking down the corridor of time, we’ll now see life with God’s mind. We’ll see how our lives were weaved, with others who also believed, When we see all Christ has done, through the Tapestry of God’s Son." -Bob Gotti

Change.

     I'm sitting here in my nearly empty room, reminiscing on the past year.   I'm nearly tearing up, and for those of you who know me well, you know that I don't cry.  I really can't believe it, my freshman year of college is a few days shy of being over.  People weren't lying when they told me that college is the best time of your life or that it flies by.  It seems like yesterday I was arriving at Liberty, just getting to know my roomates, and getting lost on my way to classes.  Now I've been blessed incredibly in so many ways by this school and have been blessed with two sisters in my roomates.  As I think about this year, there are so many great things that have happened.  I've made some of the most amazing lifelong friends, done some of the craziest things, and been challenged in every possible way. 

   God has taught me so many things this year.  He has revealed Himself to me in ways I never knew He could.  He has held my hand and wiped my tears through some of the hardest times and he has given me a joy and love that can only be explained through the power of His Holy Spirit.  When I think about all He has done, there is nothing I can do but fall on my face and give Him the praise only He is worthy of.  The more I know Him, the more I fall in love with Him.  I can't wait to see what He is going to do in the days to come.

   That being said its another time of change.  Through this year God has changed me in so many ways.  When I think about the beginning of the semester and where I was compared to where He has brought me now, I'm amazed at His patience, love and mercy that He's shown me.  I can't count the ways He has blessed me this past year.  He has blessed me with the BEST friends, some of the most amazing memories, opportunities to work with awesome kids, opportunities to minister at Miriam's House.  I'm truly in awe when I look back.  I've witnessed His hand at work so many times. 

   There are some sad things that are happening.  One of my very best friends who has also become my sister is following her calling back to Brazil and I'm going to miss her so much.  Tonight the three roomates, Ariel, Rachel, and myself were holding hands and praying.  We were just thinking about all the ways that we have seen God at work and how far each of us has come.  All three of us prayed fervently last summer for roomates who loved Jesus and would get along with, He went way above and beyond in answering that prayer to giving us a sisterhood. Ecclesiastes 4:12 "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  God knew what each of us needed when He put us together.  These girls are amazing.  They have encouraged me, defended me, prayed with me, wiped my tears, laughed with me, forgiven me, done crazy things with me, been an example, and showed me the love of Chrsit daily.  I'm so incredibly blessed.  I could brag on my roomies so much more and probably will in another post ;)

 
All of this being said, I want to thank everybody who has made this year awesome.  There have been so many people who have touched my life and my heart and impacted me in ways I'll never forget.  Even though seeing this year come to a close is sad, I am so excited to see what the future will bring.  I can't wait to see what God is going to do this summer and I'm SO excited to be on leadership next semester.  Life is an adventure and I can't wait to see what is coming next.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Beautifully Broken

     So, its finally happening.  I'm starting a blog.  I've always wanted to start one, but never really got around to it, so here it goes.

     I figured a good way to start out blogging would be explaining the name of my blog.  When I decided that I was going to start blogging, I asked my roomates what I should call it and Rachel told me that it's mine, make it about me.  I took her advice.  Anybody who knows my testimony knows that I'm a broken person. I don't deserve to be where I am, I shouldn't be where I am.  Its only through God's grace that He has made something beautiful out of my life.  He has given me beauty for ashes.  Because I've been broken, I have experienced an amazing Healer and Restorer.  Because I am weak,  I can be used by Him. 

  In my past I have felt so inadequate, so unworthy, so out of place. Sometimes I've used that as an excuse for not trying things and I thought that because of my brokenness and weaknesses I could not be used by God. You might be thinking that God has taught me that I am strong, that I can do it. That is actually really the opposite of what He has been teaching me. He has been showing me that in myself I AM weak, I CAN'T do anything on my own, I AM lowly, I AM unworthy. This has been such an awesome lesson in learning about the character of God.

 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

     When I read this I get a smile on my face. The purpose of the human race is not to glorify ourselves, but to bring glory to God. If I was perfect, if I was worthy, if I was strong in my own power, how would that bring glory to Him?? It is because of my weakness, my shortcomings, my brokenness that God can be brought glory through my life. The thought that we can boast in our weakness is so cool. Because I am weak, I can be a vessel through which God can be brought glory. I am convinced that there is no greater purpose in life than accepting our weakness and living a life where the only thing we can boast in is Jesus Christ and the evidence of the power of His love in our lives.

     Acts 4:13 When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

  How cool is that? I want that to be my life. I want people to look at me and not see Sarah. I want them to see the fact that I am an ordinary, broken, messed up girl who has been transformed by the power of Jesus Christ.