Monday, July 4, 2011

Loose Tooth

    Most of what I write/think/experience/feel isn't shared on my blog.  Its usually only when I feel like I'm supposed to write something or think that it would be beneficial and helpful to whoever might read it.  What I'm sharing in this blog is the core of my heart.  Its very close and dear to me, but I feel like I'm supposed to share it, so I'm going to.

    I'm having one of those moments where I have a feeling and just can't really put into words.  The best way I can think of to describe it is when you have a loose tooth.  You just want to get it out and reach it and it feels really weird and you just HAVE to do something about it.

   This summer has been one of the biggest challenges of my life.  I believe with my whole heart that it has been a season of deep preparation, like I said in a previous post, a "wax on, wax off" season.  God has been testing, trying, and molding me.  It has been hard to go through and hard to see why God has me here, but here and there I've caught glimpses of the work He is doing inside of my heart and the woman He is molding me into.

"If Jesus gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention-deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner."
— Beth Moore

   The past while, I've been overwhelmed with a desire for more of Him.  For more righteousness, for more in life, to make every single minute I live be one to make an impact for eternity.  I want to walk with Jesus Christ and to lay EVERY distraction, sin and hinderance aside.  I want Him to be all I see.  I want Him to be all that others see in me.  I want to leave every interaction, every conversation with the other person being more drawn to Jesus and thinking about Him, not me.  Thinking about the beautiful Name above every Name.  I just want to be a pointer to the One who forever has my heart and my everything.  I just want to be so consumed by and with Him that everything else is pale in comparison.  I just want His best for my life in every area.  I don't want to and refuse to settle for a mediocre, easy life.  I want to choose, I will choose to die every day in order to be alive in Christ.  I want to and will crucify my flesh, my desires, my "old man" so that I can see Chrsit alive in me.  I want to see what a life fully surrendered to Christ looks like.

"The world has yet to see what God can do with and for and through and in and by the man who is fully and wholly consecrated to Him. I will try my utmost to be that man." -D.L. Moody

  Sometimes, I just get so darn mad at myself.  I get mad for doubting God, for choosing against Him.  I feel like it is a constant battle and "killing" of my old man.  I just want sooooo badly to be living that wholly set apart for my King. 

  I'm learning that choosing to die to self is a daily decision, a daily battle.  It is daily getting on my knees and rending my heart before the Almighty.

Joel 2:12-13 “Even now,” declares the LORD, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.”  Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.

Matthew 5:6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

Jeremiah 29:12-14a Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD.

  We are promised that when we seek Him, when we hunger for Him, we will be filled and He will be found.  I don't want to settle for less.  I don't want to just nod my head and agree with everything I hear.  I'm hungry for more of Him, I yearn for Him.  I want to seek things out for myself, not just go along.  I want to meditate in His Word and hear Him speak.  I don't want to settle for a normal, average, comfortable life when I know there is more.  I want everything that He has in store.  I want His best, His plan.  I want to fulfill whatever purposes He created me for.  I just want all of Him.

   If you are reading this, I want to encourage you, don't give up.  Never stop, even when things get hard.  He is enough, He is always enough. Keep seeking His face, He never fails or disappoints.

Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

  Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

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