Simple

    The older I get, the more I see how many of the mindsets and ideas that have been engraved in my mind are completely wrong.  It's quite the humbling experience.  Pffffft being humbled sucks. Although it's a humbling experience, I'm thankful that these lethal areas of my heart are being revealed and changed now rather than walking my days on this earth shackled to ideals that stray so far from the true heart of God.

  If you know me, you know that I really like to work.  Work for better grades.  Work for a better future.  Work harder to make myself better. Work to serve God better. My mind is constantly at work to see how I can improve and edit different areas of my life and can't honestly remember the last time I've been content with myself.  Not complacent, but content with the person I am and the person I'm becoming. I see and dwell on what I'm not.  It's exhausting, discouraging, and draining. Quite honestly, I've felt spiritually dead for a while. Meh. Rather than dwelling on the beauty of Christ, I subconsciously focus on me.  That is the problem.  It's pride.  It's disgusting, ugly, and so far from the heart God.

  The "Christian life" shouldn't be compiled of to-do lists, habits, accomplishments, and past grievances.  A life compiled of such dismal idols bears witness to a hardened, perplexed heart and skewed perception of God.  Think about it...why the heck would someone want to have anything to do with Christianity or God if that's what it looks like?  Talk about a life-sucking kill-joy. Welcome to the Christian club...here's you're to- do list..oh, and by the way, you're supposed to look like this, think these thoughts, achieve these goals, and you aren't allowed to be different....no, thank you. 

  Following Christ should be simple.  Not easy, but simple. Think about it.  When Jesus calls his disciples to follow Him, He didn't tell them to change this, fix that, think this way, talk this way, don't do this, achieve these goals, and fit into this cookie-cutter definition. 

  Matthew 16:24-25 "Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.' "

  Holiness, purity, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control are an outflow of the Holy Spirit within. They are the natural pouring out of Jesus' grace and love alive within you and you dying. A radically beautiful, truly Christ-like life isn't something that can be achieved by check-list Christianity. I'm convinced it is quite rare & seen in the least-likely of places and people.  

  As we follow Christ, growth will be a natural result. Authentic relationship & growth aren't a result of habits and rules, but love. Beautiful, unearned, unaffected, simple. That's what we need.

But God

Ephesians 2:1-10

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,  not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

This incredible portion of scripture can be split into two halves.  The first being desperate hopelessness, death, and the miserable state of mankind.  We've all been or are there; "we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind."  I've been guilty of rebellion against God, buying the lies and living in the chains of my own making, chains and bondage I could never free myself from.  Fortunately, the passage doesn't end here.  

The next two words of this passage bring hope into this hopeless condition.

But God

God.  Righteousness. Justice. Holiness. Perfection. God, the one who's face we spat in while arrogantly carrying on in our sin. The One who has every reason to destroy us. The Creator who was rejected and defied by his beloved creation. But God.

Instead of damning us to the destiny we earned, he loved us with an unexplainable, radical, perfect love.  He sacrificed His precious Son so that we may taste freedom and life where misery, hopelessness and death clung.  "because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved."   He doesn't stop at saving us.  Paul, the author of Ephesians, then goes on tell us the purpose behind saving us--to show "the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."  How good is our God?  How precious is our risen Savior? 

How do you respond to Him?  How do you respond to the crucified and risen Savior?  Ask Him how.  My flawed human words aren't comparable to hearing His voice and reading His Word for yourself. Seek Him and He will show you.

Luke 9:23

 "And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

*Scripture is hyper linked so you can click on it and read the full chapter in context*

Captivating

     A woman's heart is a fragile possession.  We have the potential to get our feelings hurt easily, cry over petty things, latch on to bitterness, and mistreat others based out of the brokenness of past pains.  We also have the potential to love deeply and tenderly, see and draw out the best in people, and breathe words of life into weary souls.  To say that we're complicated is an understatement.  

       A woman's heart longs to be captivating.  Within us is a desire to be wanted, to be cherished, to be unforgettable, to be incomparable, to be worthy of relentless pursuit, unconditional love, and unwavering affection. We long to be enough. These desires aren't something to be pushed away or ignored (of which I'm guilty.)  They also aren't something to make an idol out of (also guilty.)  

     When we attempt to satisfy God-given desires with something or someone other than the God who gave them to us, they become a distorted counterfeit of the beauty they were intended for.  When the desire to be wanted, cherished, unforgettable, and worthy of pursuit, love, and affection is made into an idol, we are filled with worthlessness rather than the joy, peace, purpose, and love that God desires to fill us with.    

      In 2 Kings 17, Israel is having a serious idolatry problem.  They are burning their sons and daughters, practicing sorcery, and completely rejecting God and His ways. They have imitated the ways of the nations around them (the world) instead of choosing God's way.  The latter part of verse 15 says, 

  "They followed worthless idols and themselves became worthless. They imitated the nations around them although the Lord had ordered them, “Do not do as they do,” and they did the things the LORD had forbidden them to do." 

      As Israel chose to fulfill their desires with idols rather than the God who could to fulfill them, they were left worthless.  You reflect the things you worship.  If you're worshiping the created instead of the Creator, your life and heart will be left feeling shallow, broken, and worthless.

      In who or what are you seeking for satisfaction and fulfillment?  Who or what are your emotions and moods dependent on?  What consumes the greatest portion of your thought life? Where do you spend your time? Where do you find pleasure?  What do you base your worth on? Does your life look similar the world around you or does it carry the fragrance of supernatural love, peace, and purpose?  

      If you are reading this post single, dating, or married, it is God alone in whom you will find fulfillment of your desires to be wanted, cherished, unforgettable, and worthy of pursuit, love, and affection.  He is the only One who satisfies. He is the only true, perfect lover of your soul. God wants you.   

 He wants all of you. 

 Exodus 34:14 "Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God."   

 He loves you with a perfect love.

  1 John 4:18-19 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.

  

 He gave His own life for you and pursued you, a rebellious, undeserving sinner.

Romans 5:7-8  For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

  

      Seek His Word for yourself and know Him for who He is.  Worship, love and adore Him for who He is. Allow Him to satisfy your heart and desires. Allow him to heal, chisel, and mold your heart to be like that of Jesus. The joys & blessings of earthly God-ordained romance that represents Christ's relentless pursuit of the church & the church's response will taste so much sweeter.

      The quote "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her" is commonly quoted by single women, but I encourage you, keep your heart lost in God.  Whether single, dating, or married, allow God to consume your heart, will, mind and emotions. Become and remain captivated by the Creator of the universe. 

  

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,  

  Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim  

  In the light of His glory and grace."

  

    

 PS.  All the words in different colors are hyper-linked to full Bible passages so that you can read the whole chapter in context (:

Embracing Sorrow

     Sorrow is an emotion that is often avoided at all costs.  People, myself included, use all sorts of means to escape from pain and sorrow.  A busy schedule, distractions, comparisons, excuses. Especially within the context of the American church, I've noticed that many times sorrow, the gravity and weight of sin, and the insufferable pain we have inflicted on God, others, and ourselves is simply brushed under the carpet. 

     In 2 Corinthians 7, Paul is talking about a letter that he wrote to the Corinthians that produced godly grief which led to repentance.  In verses 9-11, in response to the letter he sent, Paul says "As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter."  

     When godly sorrow and grief is neglected, is it possible that true, authentic repentance is also neglected? Grief that comes from God is characterized by repentance. When sin that defies God (i.e. all sin) is discarded as "normal," "not that bad," or "justified," is it possible that our minds and hearts become desensitized to the weight of sin, the necessity of repentance, and that we are missing out on the incredible qualities that godly sorrow produces?
    
       It is only when we acknowledge our own complete depravity, detestable sin nature, and see the depths of our own despair that we can fully understand the cross and its beauty. In James 1:14, after making clear that God does not tempt us, James draws attention to the source of temptation.  "But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death."  It's our own desires that lead to our death.  It's filth within us, not the things around us, that makes us the scum that we are by nature.  When we are able to acknowledge that, we are able to see all the more clearly the beauty of Jesus Christ.  We are able to see beauty of repentance, redemption, the depths of God's love, and the restoration that the truth of the Gospel brings.  When we see just how unmerited the favor we've received from God is, we can praise Him all the more of loving us while we were enslaved in sin.  We are able to filled with inexpressible, unexplainable love for God and his people.  We are able to thrive and live the lives that God designed us to live.

     I want to leave this blog with one of my favorite passages and I think that it ties in perfectly with this theme.   Hebrews 12:1-2 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."   Let us keep looking unto our beautiful Savior and live a life that is worthy of the call we have received.

     Thank you so much for reading and feel free to comment your opinions and thoughts. (: 
     

Thoughts

     Thoughts. Racing, lingering, stirring, awakening. Thoughts carry the potential to provoke one to obtain a deeper understanding of matters, can introduce sin, disaccord and confusion, and if guided correctly will drive one to take action based on convictions. Thinking holds the potential to cultivate tremendous growth and change, but if thoughts merely remain entangled in the recesses of one's mind rather than being acted upon, they are all together worthless.  The same can be said for beliefs, knowledge, convictions and desires. To believe, know, and desire something and to live out a life derived from those core values are two contrasting realities.  That being said, my heart and mind have been overflowing as of late.

      My heart's most desperate longing is to walk life hand in hand with Jesus Christ and truly know and love God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength and love each person I come into contact with the same love He has shown me. To daily die to myself and have lungs filled with the breath of His life. To live a life free of sin, legalism, selfishness, opinions of others, titles, and pride.  2 Corinthians 5:14-15 says,

 "For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised."

      Is Christ's love truly controlling my every thought, word, action?  Am I living for myself or am I living a life that is under complete, radical submission to the love and will of Jesus Christ? Although that is my heart's cry, so many times I've fallen tragically short of this calling.  I somehow lose sight of why I'm still here on planet earth.  I become distracted, ensnared, unfocused and before I realize it, I somehow lose focus on the only true meaning of life. I so oft forget that nothing on this earth matters except my personal relationship with Christ and precious human souls.  These things are eternal; all else will burn. When reminded of that, life becomes drastically more simple. Life is so incredibly short.  Ephesians 5:15-17 says,

 "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,  making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. "

  This knowledge and awareness, these desires, they are good and right.  Although thoughts and desires are good, they are of no significance if fruit is not born as a result. My challenge to myself as well as those reading this blog is to examine your life, but don't stop at that.  Are your pastimes, habits, relationships, conversations and attitudes pushing you closer or further from Christ?  Are you willing to sacrifice idols that have stepped between you and Him? Remember the shortness of your days.  Allow Christ's love to daily control your actions, thoughts, mindset, words.  Life is too short to be controlled by anything other than the redemptive, unconditional, radical, passionate love of Jesus Christ.  May our lives be more than a flicker.

"What is the secret to great living? Entire separation to Christ and devotion to Him. Thus speaks every man and woman whose life has made more than a passing flicker in the spiritual realm. It is the life that has no time for trifling that counts.”~Amy Carmichael

As of late...

     Writing is one of the few ways I feel like I can communicate with accuracy.  There is something about pen and paper or fingers delicately gliding over keys...or pounding depending on the mood. No words to stumble over or people to impress. No forced smiles, conversation, or empty words. Authenticity. Writing is a window into the mind, heart, and soul of a person. As of late, my writing has been confined to pen, paper, and my thoughts.  That's usually the way I like to keep it, but I feel that it is about time that my blog gets a little attention.

The last couple of months have given me opportunity to learn, feel, and grow more than I have in quite a while. Each season of life contains tremendous opportunity to grow, reflect, and change.  These months have taught and are continuing to teach me more things than I could possibly express through one blog, so I won't try to.  I'll just give a brief glimpse of a couple lessons the Lord is graciously teaching me.

1)  Take a good, long, unbiased look in the mirror.

James 1:22-25 "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror  and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does."
   
    This one has been quite difficult, but beautiful at the same time.  The Lord has been gently, graciously exfoliating my heart and revealing to me areas of sin, brokenness, and imperfection.  He has allowed me to take a good look at where I've been, where I am, and where He is taking me. He's graciously allowed opportunity for unresolved brokenness to be revealed and healing to begin. He loves me too much to leave me where I'm at. I firmly believe that the more we acknowledge our personal imperfection, all the more beautiful the perfection, grace, and redeeming love Christ becomes.  I have earned the title damned sinner, but through His grace and precious blood, I am a saint.  Praise Him.

2)  Don't conform to the beliefs and attitudes of the world or of those surrounding you.  Think and believe for yourself.

Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

     Being at a Christian university is such an incredible blessing and freedom, but it can also be easy to float along and exceedingly challenging and extremely lonely to personally grow and develop into everything that God has created you to be. I've been convicted of my own conformation in certain attitudes, actions, and expectations.  This realization has triggered a desire to delve deeper into the Word for myself, examine my own beliefs, motivations, and attitudes, and reconstruct target areas of my life. It has been a struggle to step back and identify the stagnant areas of my life that have remained unchanging and undeveloped as a result of personal ignorance and sinful nature, but I am so thankful for the growth that is being derived from these enlightened areas.

3) Vulnerability is the currency of any relationship.

If you desire to have deep, meaningful  relationship with God, friends, family, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, etc. vulnerability is required.  Now don't get me wrong, I am definitely not saying that you should give everyone around you an access key to your inner person and heart.  Your personal thoughts, beliefs, past, and heart are an incredibly precious entity and need to be guarded with wisdom. Although they are to be guarded, don't allow paralyzing fear of exposure and vulnerability rob the opportunity of relationships from you.  Allow people who prove to be sincere, trustworthy, honest, have your best interest at heart, and are seeking Jesus with everything and above all else into your life. Humans were not created to do life alone. Any human relationship contains an element of risk, but without that risk you will never experience the joy and growth that these relationships can bring.  Keep Jesus at the center and you can trust that if/when you do get hurt, He will catch you and work all things together for your good.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

Welp, I believe that's all for now, folks.  Thanks for reading.

Refining Fire

     Beautifully broken....seems to be both the title of my blog and the theme of my life.  One of my daily heart's cries to Jesus is to break me.  Jesus, do whatever you need to do to capture my heart, to mold me into what You want me to be, a refined vessel for You.
     Jesus has been very faithful to answer that prayer throughout my life.  I can attest to the fact that refining fire isn't called fire because it feels awesome.  It feels more like being processed through a meat grinder (no bueno.)   Although, the awesome thing about Jesus is that NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING  in life, good or bad, hard or easy, happens in vain or without purpose.  I remember a quote I heard when I was little, "You always have a choice, get bitter or get better."  With each challenge, opposition,  trial, or pain we face, we are given the choice.  We can choose to internalize, fall in to self pity, self-analyze, dwell in guilt, believe lies, and blame God  for what we're facing. Or, we can choose to embrace it and thank and praise Him for it. Say what?!  Thank and praise Him for hard stuff?  No, your vision does not need checked and you've just read that correctly, praise Him.
     Jesus is the Master Weaver.  We are only given a trivial glimpse of the masterpiece of our lives.  When all we see is a mess of knots and tangled string in our lives,  Jesus sees the beginnings of a grand, complex masterpiece that our simple human minds cannot begin to fathom.

 Where we see chaos and confusion, He sees opportunity for guidance and unexplainable, supernatural peace. 

Isaiah 26:3

 "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." 

Psalms 37:23-24

 "The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."

   When we feel pain and insecurity, Jesus sees the opportunity for a deeper healing, reassurance, and victory through Him. 

 Romans 8:37-39

 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

  When we feel completely alone, Jesus promises that He will never leave us or forsake us.

Deuteronomy 31:6

 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. 

When we see brokenness and ashes, Jesus sees beauty.

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

     This semester has hands down been the hardest, loneliest semester since I've been at Liberty.  Although it has been almost unbearably difficult  at times, Jesus has proven Himself over and over.  He is shaping, molding, and refining me into the woman He created me to be.  He is teaching me to cling to Him and find all that I am in Him, not others.  He has taught me that He is ALWAYS more than enough, ALWAYS worthy of all praise, and He will NEVER change or leave.  Praise His sweet, precious name.

    I hope that this is an encouragement and hope to those of you who are facing pain, hurt, challenges and trials right now.  Thank you so much for taking the time to read.  On a closing note, here is an awesome song that goes with this.  I'm a huge fan of Brooklyn Tab :).

To Be in Your Arms

I think this is the first time I've posted any poetry/creative writing/whatever you want to call it on my blog. This is a little glimpse into my heart and my most sacred, precious relationship. Thank you for taking the time to read my sweet friends.

Just to be with you I'd do anything. 

From the crevices of my desperate, disheartened soul, I cry for you.

 My heart screams, Abba, Daddy, I need you.

  For I know, Your love is the only love that quenches my parched, tattered soul.

Your love alone heals, restores, empowers.

 Fill me. 

Please, precious Abba, come take me in Your arms.

I need You to hold me.

All else in this world is meaningless.

So many times I've neglected You. 

 Bought into the lies of this world.

Believed that You made "junk" in forming me  

 Believed that satisfaction could be found somewhere other than You. 

 Filled myself with the lethal mire of this  present darkness.

Shine Your light in me.

With a wrenched heart and empty hands, I plead,

 Forgive me, my sweet Jesus.

Forgive me for the times I've allowed the roosters to crow,

 I've denied Your beautiful Name.

 The precious Name Above All Names.

Jesus Christ

The Name that brings life, for You are Life

 Your beautiful Name,

The Name in which I find VICTORY,

Victory over lies and deception

Victory over sin

Victory over this present darkness and spiritual wickedness

Victory over one of the greatest enemies I face, myself. 

Sweet Jesus,  

 Thank You.

Thank You that Your blood payed my debt.

Undeserving, I am.

Damned is the title I have earned.

Yet, you have adorned my with the most cherished title imaginable.

Forgiven.

Your precious child.

Oh, Abba, praise Your Holy Name.

To taste Your love is to drink of the sweetest waters.

 I have drank of You and testify of Your  healing power.

The power of the only love that mends tattered souls 

The power of the only love that quenches love-parched hearts 

How great You are

Wrap Your arms around me

Once again, whisper to me of Your love.

Fill me to overflowing with Your Spirit.

My sweet, sweet Jesus 

Your arms are incomparable to mere, mortal men

Hold me in them.

My Beautiful, my Sacred, my Only

Just to be with You I'd do anything

  

Past, Present, Future.

    For my fifteenth birthday, my mom decided that she really wanted to get me a purity ring.  I thought that it was a really cool idea, so we started looking.  We didn't have to look very hard until we found the perfect one.  I wasn't planning on getting anything super duper nice or expensive, so my mom and I immediately bee-lined  our way to the clearance section in the jewelry department of JC Penny's.  I looked down and saw the perfect one.  Three emeralds (my birth stone), beautiful placement, diamonds.  I immediately figured it was out of our price range.  Then, when we looked at it, we saw that it was on 90% clearance!! Yeah, 90% clearance!!!  We then asked the lady to take it out of the case for me to try on.  It was a perfect fit.  As I held this little ring in my hand, I looked at the inside and saw that there was an inscription.  Between little diamonds placed on the inside, there read the words "Past, Present, Future."  Just like my precious Lord.

    Needless to say, this ring is very, very special to me.  You'll never see me without it. It serves as a reminder of my promise to God, and His promises to me. When I look at it, I'm reminded that Jesus hand picked it out for me and I'm also reminded of His precious promises.  He never changes, He never fails, He is always faithful, His love is unconditional. Hebrews 13:8  "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."


  Something Jesus has been teaching me lately is how worthy He is.  No matter how I feel, what has happened to me, or what I think, He is ALWAYS worthy and deserving of my utmost praise and adoration.  Sometimes I'm not going to understand why He lets things happen or what He is doing, simply because He is God and I am not.

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
   neither are your ways my ways,” 
            declares the LORD. 
 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
   so are my ways higher than your ways 
   and my thoughts than your thoughts."

   

   When we don't understand what He is doing, His timing, where He is leading or why He is letting something happen (or not happen), we need trust in His promises, His character, and most importantly, His bountiful, overflowing, all-consuming, passionate, unconditional love for us.

   Because of who He is, He deserves our everything.

  Who He is does not depend on our personal circumstances or feelings.  For that, I am thankful.  

  When you aren't feeling anything, understanding anything, or seeing what lies ahead, trust in the One who holds the past, present and future.  Dare to obey Him, to give Him your everything.  See what He can do with a life fully surrendered to Him.

The world has yet to see what God can do with and for and through and in and by the man who is fully and wholly consecrated to Him. I will try my utmost to be that man. -D.L. Mood

Lessons Learned...or Being Learned

Hey friends,

  I thought that it was about time I wrote a blog.  There has been so much going on lately.  So many ups and downs.  So much confu1sion and clarity.  Many hard things and beautiful things.  If I put the last 2 weeks in a blog, I think it would turn into more of a novel, so I'll spare you ;)

  Where to start?  Well, I'm here at school, so obviously I'm doing schoolwork.  This semester is going to be my most difficult semester thus far.  I'm taking 18 credit hours, have 3 weekly practicums, and 15 hours of education & psyc activities to fit in.  On top of that, I'm still a Prayer Leader, which I absolutely LOVE, but that also takes time and dedication.  This brings me to my first lesson.

1. The importance of detailed and achievable organization and time management.


  Organization and time management is definitely not natural at all for me.  I've always been the kind of "it'll be fine as long as it gets done sometime, but I'd rather go have fun right now" type.  I'm learning that if I'm ever going to be an effective, productive teacher, friend, missionary, homemaker, and wife, that needs to change.  Change is really hard, but it is so good.  I'm becoming very close friends with my planner and sticky note system and although it is not my nature, I'm learning the benefits of a disciplined life. Among those benefits are better grades, less stress, more "free time" than I expected, more time for ministry, and just being proud of myself for finally sticking to a schedule/planner :)

2.  Jesus is always, always enough and NEVER changes or fails.  His presence commands our utmost worship.


  This week was really hard.  The beginning of the week, I was faced with some really hard things and was just really mad at God to be quite frank. I didn't understand why He lets things happen and why I was feeling so much anger and pain with a depth I haven't felt in years.  Of course, being a stupid member of the human race, I decided I felt like subconsciously blaming everything on God.  In my heart, I knew that I had no reason to play the blame game with God, but I did anyways.  The first night of Spiritual Emphasis Week during worship, I did not have any desire to worship.  God and I talk quite a bit, and I told Him, I'm angry at you and I don't feel like worshiping right now.  BAMMMM.  Then He spoke to me.  Those piercing words of power and authority spoken with the gentleness of a kind father correcting His child.  I sat down and started writing in my journal immediately.  He told me He demanded worship.  He is faithful, He is righteous, He is love, He is grace, He is mercy, He is truth, He is light, He is beauty, He is Creator, He is the Sustainer, He is the Deliver, He is the Healer.  At His name, slaves are freed, captives are unchained, and the promises are fulfilled.  HE NEVER CHANGES.  His Holy presence demands reverence, worship, and awe. No matter what I feel like that day, He never changes and He deserves my utmost praise and worship.

3.  Be bold, yo.
 When is the last time that you did something that you knew God called you to and regretted it?  Still thinking?    I've concluded never.  Sure, following God's lead and stepping out of your comfort zone can be really scary at first, but I've never had a time in my life that I've wished I hadn't after the fact.  By being bold and allowing God to empower you to do things you never thought you were capable of, you can experience His power and the reality of God on a whole new level.  When you surrender an area of your life to Him, you will be amazed at what He can accomplish through.  The past couple of weeks have been scary in that area.  He's asked me to do some really uncomfortable things that I would much rather ignore.  I'm so glad that I didn't.  Even though it has been a scary journey continuing to learn how to be bold and willing to follow His callings and promptings, it has been so amazing.  There is nothing comparable to being used by Him.

4. Singleness is a wonderful, purposeful, awesome season.
  I could go on and on about this one.  It is not a recently learned lesson, but it has been reaffirmed that past few weeks.  I believe that this season as a single young woman has most definitely been the most awesome season of my life thus far.  Being at Liberty, we see many couples who appear to be Siamese twins and seem to require each other for tasks as simple as opening a can of pop.  Okay, that was a little bit of sarcasm, but SERIOUSLY though, some of the couples here are a bit obnoxious. I admit, there are times that I wonder when/if God is going to bring someone into my life who will be my partner in bringing Him glory by our life together, but I'm MORE than willing to wait for His timing. Even though I don't know him,I pray for him and can't wait to be with him, but I know that he is going to be more than worth the wait. On the other hand, some people around here act like singleness is the freaking Bubonic Plague. I can not count the number of Facebook statuses that I've seen that complain about being single, wondering where all the good guys/girls are, wondering when God is going to drop prince charming on their front porch, and are a festering mire of self pity.   Singleness is not a waiting season, a curse, or a time to party hardy.  Singleness is a gift packed with purpose, potential, fun, and beauty.  God does not create seasons of our life designated for sitting around on your rump waiting for Mr./Mrs. Right to come sweep you off your feet.  Our purpose in life is to love God with ALL of our heart, mind, and soul.  We were created to serve Him, be used by Him, and reach the world with the message of His Son, forgiveness, redemption, and hope.  Why wait, what better time than now?  No spouse, no children, and a God to who is willing to use as much of you as you are willing to give Him. Singleness is truly a gift.

 5. Have fun, be crazy, live a little :)
   Tonight was one of the most fun times I've had in a long time.  I got to hang out with one my best friends, Lena, and we had a BLAST.  Just hanging out, talking about life, Jesus, and doing crazy things.  Jesus has blessed me with wonderful, FUN friends.  Don't let work become such a large part of your life that you forget to enjoy the season you're in.  Hang out with friends, do crazy things, live a little.

 

 

     There are many other things I could write, but I'm getting sleepy and you're probably getting tired of reading this, so I'm going to peace out.  Thank you for reading my hodge podge of a blog :)

Made Perfect in Weakness

  Hey friends :)  I just want to say, thank you for reading the things I write.  I truly appreciate the time that you take to read my thoughts and life.

  My God never ceases to amaze me.  His sweet love, mercy, and grace continues to win my heart over and over.  The way He guides me and uses me even when I don't deserve to be used, it honestly takes my breath away.  I'm so thankful for His promise. Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

    Today was the worst and best work day I've ever experienced.  When I woke up today, I had absolutely no desire to go to work.  This is strange for me.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a workaholic or anything, but I love going in to work, seeing the regular customers and my co-workers and also having the knowledge that I'm working to pay off my education.  Normally at work I'm pretty chipper and happy.  Not today.  It's hard to describe, but I was almost depressed this morning?  Now I can look back and see that Satan was attacking me and trying to keep me from the day and mission that God had in store.  When I got to work, the second customer in line was a very rich, but not very nice lady.  Little to say it was not a stellar start to my shift.  During this whole day, I kept on making really, really stupid mistakes.  For example, once I told a customer her total was $3.07.  That was the time. A while later, another very, very not nice customer came in.  She began yelling some not very nice things at me in the store because her check wouldn't process.  Then she proceeded to tell me she would never step foot in our store again.  I bit my tongue before I got out the words, "thank God." After she left I cried.  Yes, a customer made me cry.  This is also a strange thing about today.  I don't cry.  Well, I mean I cry sometimes, like when people die or someone really hurts me, but crying is not something that I do very easily.  At that point, I was so tempted to go punch out and leave.  My attitude was stinky, I had mean customers, and work was the last place I wanted to be at that moment.  Boy am I glad I didn't leave.

     I firmly believe that as the body of Christ we are to be "in the world".  I mean, where does Jesus reach people?  Right where they are.  He doesn't wait to win them until they have stepped in to a building we call Church.  Jesus is where the people who need Him are. He climbs in to the dirty filthy dungeons to release captives from their bondage and slavery to sin.  If we're pursuing Jesus and becoming more like Him, should our lives look any different?

     That being said, I think that secular workplaces can be one of the greatest "mission fields".  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about going and passing out cheesy tracts on break time.  I'm talking about making relationships, getting to know peoples stories, seeing where they've come from and what has made them into who they are.  Knowing someone's heart is much more important than their outward behavior.  Once you get to know someone behind their language, course humor, addictions, you can see the void and pain in their life. There is always a story behind the face.

     This brings me back to my worst and best workday.  Now I'm getting to the best.  It is my heart that my unsaved family, friends, and coworkers would find the same life, love and freedom that I've found in Jesus Christ.  That their eyes would be filled with hope and peace rather than emptiness.  Today I had an opportunity to share the Gospel with one of my friends at work.  This guy thinks he is a pretty tough.  He is super nice, but he is a little rough around the edges to say the least.  During the end of my shift, things started to get kind of slow.  I was still having a rotten attitude and just a plain out not good day.  I was just chilling with him at the registers, then we started talking.  He started pouring out his life to me and how he'd OD'd and tried so many times to take his life but was never successful.  How many times he should have died but didn't and how much he wished he was, to be "free".  Here is where the Holy Spirit kicked into gear big time. I was able to share with him God's protection over his life and the hope that can be found in our Jesus.  That the reason why he wasn't successful was because his life was created with a purpose.  That God loved him and didn't want him to go to hell.  It was the most awesome conversation that I've had at work and I know the words coming out of my mouth weren't mine.  He was so receptive and said he'd think about what I'd said.  Now comes time for more intercession.

     I just wanted to share this story because I was so completely humbled by God's ability to use weak things (me).  Today was probably one of my weakest days.  I didn't feel strong, spiritual, or even friendly today.  In spite of myself, God chose to use me.  Not because of anything that I'd done, but because of what He's done.  I'm so humbled, so thankful.

Praise Your name, Jesus, You make beautiful things out of dust.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Best Kind of Christmas

  Hello sweet friends :) Merry Christmas!!  I was sitting here with a few minutes to spare and just wanted to write down some thoughts about today.  


  The past couple weeks since break has started have been pretty crazy/hectic.  First, I had my teaching practicum which was wonderful, but I ended up catching a bad cold from one of the kiddos.  Right after I got better from my cold, my wisdom tooth became infected and I needed to go on antibiotics and also learned that I'll need to get both of them out before break is over.  During that time I've also been working about 40 hours a week.  My mom also works two jobs and has a busy schedule. Needless to say, there hasn't been to much time to do "Christmasy" things.


   My family definitely isn't one that would be categorized under "traditional".  We're not exactly the sit around the fire place singing Christmas carols, cutting out cookies type.  Now don't get me wrong, I think that some of the traditions of Christmas are wonderful, we keep a few little ones, but that just usually isn't usually my family.  I mean, we just got out un-decorated tree up on the 23rd, haha :)


  The older I get, the more I realize it's not the things or even traditions that matter in life.  The only things of real value in this life are our relationship with Jesus Christ and people.  With all of that being said, let me tell you about today and why is so great.


  Actually, I'll start at last night.  Christmas Eve.  I worked early in the day, but the evening was spent with Mom and my brother, Ben.  I made my awesome potato, ham & cheese soup (one of the few things I take pride in), then we went to the church my brother usually attends while he's home for their service.  It was so wonderful focusing on Jesus and His love and sacrifice.  After that, we drove around and looked at Christmas lights.  This morning,  my mom and I got our first round of FREE sheetz coffee then went to my home church :)  I love my church!!!  The theme of Pastor's message was the names of Jesus, so cool!  After that, my mom and I just talked for a long time about our sweet Jesus who He is and how He loves us, talks to us, intercedes for us.  The list goes on and on.  Amazed.  When we got home, we made our brunch that consisted of rolls, bacon and pineapple, YUM!


  Since then, we've just been hanging out, I've been playing guitar, wrapping a couple presents and listening to music.  I think we're going to watch a Christmas movie then open up a couple gifts later.  I love this.  I feel like this is what Christmas should be, focusing primarily on Jesus and His sacrificial birth and death, then just enjoying family and getting to a few presents whenever we do.  I know it's simple, but I think that's why I love it so much.


  I just wanted to write this to express how thankful I am for this day, Mom and Ben, and most importantly, the gift of Jesus Christ.  Merry Christmas and much love, friends.

Luke 2:8-20 "And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”  Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.  The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told."

Christmas Break

     Hey again, friends!  This is crazy, two blog posts within days when all semester I've been lucky if I squeeze one out in a month, haha :) (by the way I kind of stole the idea for this blog from a good friend ;) )  I've been blessed with another phenomenal semester at Liberty and I'm so thankful to God for it.  I know that over Christmas break, it is easy to get into the "just chill" mode and slide into neutral for a month, but I really don't want that to be the case for this break or any other time in life for that matter.

     Ephesians 5:15-16 says, " Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."

     I want to learn how to live a life in which each second counts, each minute lived in devotion and submission to my Father.  I know that I'm so far from that, but I have faith that through His might, He will accomplish the good work He has started in my life. (Philippians 1:6)

     So, to get to the point of my blog, here is my list of goals for Christmas break.

1. Spend quality time drawing close to God, deepening my prayer life and really studying and memorizing the Word.

2.  Become awesome at guitar,  I know some of the basics, but definitely need quite a bit of practice.

                                                             

3.  READ!  Okay, nerd confession, on my first day back from school, I went to the library and checked out three books.  On my list to read is re-reading A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens), Great Expectations (Charles Dickens) and Forgotten God (Francis Chan) and also reading  Letters from Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer (C.S. Lewis) for the first time.

4. Get accepted into Liberty's School of Education, I just completed my practicum now all I need to do is send in my finger prints and submit my application.  I can't wait to be a teacher :)

5. Spend lots of time with my big brother, Ben and my mom and also visit my extended family as much as possible.

6. Get together with my graduating class!  

7.  Spend time with friends.

8.  Get into awesome shape and eat healthier. I WORK OUT!

9.  Prepare for Prayer Groups for next semester, God did so many amazing things this semester, I can't wait to see what He has in store for next.  I seriously miss you all SO MUCH already. Love you girls!!

10.  Figure out what in the world God wants me to do this summer and Fall semester. :/

11.  Hopefully visit Sneeya and Jennah in New York City with Ariel :)

12.  Go to downtown Pittsburgh with my family while the Christmas lights are still up and hopefully visit Samanthajo!!

13.  Get in lots of hours at work and be a light for Christ in my workplace.

14.  Be involved in my home church over break.

15. Keep a weekly blog.

16.  SLEEP! (something college life lacks)

     Well, there it is, my goals for break.  I'm not sure if I'll get everything accomplished that I'd like to, but I think it's better to aim too high rather than too low.  Merry Christmas break friends :)

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years." ~ Abrahan Lincoln

I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and 

strength into it. -Elisabeth Elliot